SVU and the discovery of fanfiction
by Ranowa Hikura
Summary: Specifically, Casey and Olivia discover fanfiction that the squad is writing. They decide to have a little fun with it... Now a series of bad fanfiction parodies!
1. Discovery of fanfiction

This fic is inspired by the horrific abomination of a fanfiction called 'My Immortal'. If you haven't read it, this is an example of the 44 chapters written: 'u fckin prepz, u all jst jaelous nd I cut ma writz cuse im goffic so go 2 hell!'. So don't read it. Just don't. Anyway, so I wrote this (and yes, all the horrifying spelling and grammar mistakes are on purpose) and dedicated it to all fanfic writers who write in plain English and not chatspeak.

Oh yeah, spoilers for like, ten episodes. Just saying.

Olivia walked inside and called, "Baby? It's me, Olivia. You here?" She took the laughter from the other room to mean that yes, Casey was home and finding something very amusing. "I called your office and they said you left early, so I- Case?"

Casey was currently reading something on her laptop, then she started laughing again and buried her face in a pillow so the neighbors didn't call 911 at the sound of her screams. When she could breathe, she gasped, "OMG, LMAO! This Mary Sue fic is the funnest thing 2 read! I love it!"

"Um... Casey? What's going on?"

Casey wiped the tears of laughter now streaming down her cheeks and choked out, "Livvy bear, pwease, youve gotta read this! ive fallin n luv wiht this fic! its da best eva! pretty pretty pwease!"

Olivia gasped when she recognized the combination of horrible grammar and spelling coming from Casey's mouth, then grabbed the laptop and scanned what she was reading before dropping the computer like it had scalded her and holding her hand over her eyes. "AH! IT BURNS, IT BURNS!"

No!" Casey screamed as she dived for the laptop and started reading it again. "No! i need my fanfic fix! i need it! dont take my fanfiction away!'

"Casey," Olivia demanded sharply, shaking her head. "I told you to stop reading fanfiction! This is what it gets you like!" With a sigh, she dropped to her knees next to Casey and started trying to pull the laptop away from her. "Casey, give me the laptop and no one gets hurt."

The ADA looked at her for a split second, then shouted, "The lack of spell check! The horrendous grammar! It's... it's... rotflol, Livvy bear, its soooo sad, u were rapped and now youre pregnant with triplets and elliots gonna marry u!"

Olivia nearly screamed at the horrible plot, then tackled her to the floor and shouted, "Casey, listen to me! The fanfiction world is not real! There is a world beyond those stupid writer's minds! Come back to it! Come back to the world of spelling and grammar! Come back to it, Casey!"

When Casey still didn't respond, Olivia decided she had two options- call up the squad to do an exorcism on Casey, to expel the Fanficiton Gods, or to make Casey come back to reality with a certain way only the brunette detective knew. The second option was much more fun.

So she started to kiss Casey, and every time the ADA started to talk in chatspeak, Olivia bit her on the shoulder, until Casey was moaning beneath her. 'oh god liv... oh, god, Liv... Liv... m- more! More!" Olivia drew back when Casey started talking like a human being again and smiled. Mission accomplished. Olivia moved away to allow Casey to sit up, still shaking her head in disappointment. "Liv?" she asked in confusion. "What happened?"

"You don't remember?" This wasn't the first time this had happened. Once it had gotten so bad that Olivia had had to drag the whole squad down to the ADA's apartment to attempt a five hour long exorcism, which had ended with Casey biting down on Elliot's shoulder and screaming something about Mary Sues. The squad had fled after that, leaving Olivia to deal with the hysterical ADA alone.

"I remember being in my office... there was a file on my desk and I didn't know what it was. I remember reading it..."

"Damn it! It must have been fanfiction..."

Casey stared at her in shock, then gasped as the memories flooded back to her. "Oh my god, Olivia- it wasn't fan... well, it was, but it wasn't-"

"Spit it out, woman!"

"It was about us! Everybody at SVU! Me, you, El, Munch, Fin, Cragen! People were writing stories about us! Oh my god, it was awful! They spelled Cragen's name wrong ten different ways, they called you 'Livvy-bear' and they called Fin 'Finn' every single time and they never typed out Elliot's name and god how can they misspell my name, it's Casey, C-A-S-E-Y! C-A-S-E for short, I mean, come on!"

"Calm down there, Case," Olivia said, patting her back and laughing quietly. "It's over now."

"And they had all these stupid nicknames- Stabensler and Cabenson and Benovak and Movak and Cragen was always your father and why the hell did you always fall in love with Alex Cabot? They keep treating me like some pathetic moron and they're always like 'and after Casey's attack, Olivia realized she loved Casey because she had loved Alex and never told her and now Alex was gone so she missed her so she decided to use Casey as-"

"Woah, Casey, breathe! Calm down, girl!"

Casey took deep breaths, struggling not to hyperventilate. When she could finally talk again, she forced herself to keep talking. "And every single 'Benovak' fic I read either featured the return of Richard White- I mean, what is up with that, he was only there for like five minutes and he's still in prison! Anyway, it was either that or your sexual assault coming back to haunt you, and there was an annoying obsession of people writing about Milan Zergin! I mean, really! Don't these people have lives?"

"Apparently not-"

"And- and- and I read this one fic-" she started sobbing, burying her head in her arms and shaking her head.

Olivia snaked an arm around her shoulder and asked quietly, "What'd you read, honey? What was it?"

"It was E- Elliot... and Arthur... Branch! It was Elliot and Arthur Branch! As a couple!" Olivia stared in horror, then started banging her head on the table and wondering if she could purchase mind bleach at any stores around here.

"Oh my god, no more, no more! No details, Casey, god no details!" Suddenly, she stopped hitting her head and looked back up at Casey. "Wait a minute- how do these people know about us? How did they... Casey, what was the url to that website?"

"/Law&OrderSVU. Why do you- oh no, Olivia, don't read it! You'll be trapped in the horrible world of fanfiction forever- doomed to a life of misspellings and grammar mistakes a three year old wouldn't make!"

"Just give me that damn laptop!" Casey threw herself onto the couch so she didn't get sucked back into the fanfiction as Olivia found the website and looked at the authors. "What the... Casey, look at this. Do any of these names sound familiar?"

Casey hesitantly looked at the website, then pulled her computer closer and hurriedly read the list of authors. "What the hell? How did they..."

"Hold that thought, baby, I've got an idea."

SVUSVUSVU

Fin was currently switching Olivia's Starbucks purchased coffee with Munch's toxic sludge when the detective strolled into the squad room, He dashed back to his desk and smiled at her innocently. "Hey, Olivia. What's up?"

'hi Finn! do u no where elliot is?'

Fin froze, staring at her in shock. No, Olivia didn't just speak in 'fanfic speak'... did she? "Olivia? Are you feeling all right?"

Just then, Elliot walked into the squad room, holding a huge stack of paperwork in his arms. Olivia threw herself at the detective, crashing into his arms and scattering the paper across the floor. "oh, el! ohmigod i was soooo scared! i cant beleive i let this happen!'

Elliot stared down at Olivia, who was now sobbing into his shirt. "Um... Liv? Are you okay?"

'no, elly! no, i was rapped! and im pregnant- WITH HIS TRIPLETS!'

Since no one had any idea what she was talking about and didn't want to know why she was talking like she was in a fanfiction, they were glad to divert their attention when Casey ran inside the squad room, disheveled and covered in bruises. Fin grabbed her by the shoulders, staring at her in shock and concern before gasping, "Casey, what happened? Are you all right?"

'its the return of milan zergin! he came into my office and beat me up! livvybear, i was so scared, hold me!' she screamed, then Munch and Cragen walked out of the latter's office to find out what all the fuss was about. When Casey saw Munch, she ran over and jumped at him, and since he was caught by surprise, he collapsed to the floor, with Casey on top of him. 'oh, munchy, i love you now! no one cares about livvy, shes cheating on me with alex! but youve gotta protect me! im soooooo ooooooo ooooo scared!'

Meanwhile, Olivia was sobbing, "-and it was richard white! but now ive gotta get clousure from my awful past by keeping the kids and raising them with you, elliot, cause ur god-like presence is alraedy healing me from this horrible ordeal!'

When Alex Cabot came to the squad room to deliver a message from the DA's office meant for Casey, she was tackled by Olivia, who shouted, 'ohmigod, alex, youre back from witness protection! OMG i luv u so much i cant beleive i never told u please never leave me again!'

'and you!' Casey shouted, jumping off the floor and running over to Fin. 'stop getting in the sack with melinda! we all know your real attraction is a man cause that's how the world works, and that man is...' Casey and Olivia both looked around for a suitable candidate, then, when they spotted him, they both screamed, 'GEORGE HUANG!' They dragged him over to Fin and directed them to kiss. 'now, as the rules dictate, passionetly kiss cause u realize youve always loved each other!'

'Crevan!' Casey shouted at Cragen. 'Crevan, come and give el and livvybear your blessing to date, even though theyre partners and should never be allowed to date, much less have sex on the captains desk!'

"Is it just me," Elliot breathed in Alex's ear, 'or are Casey and Olivia acting a little like a... fanfiction?"

"Oh my god, you're right!" she whispered back. "But why? They're the only two that don't know about the website... unless..."

'and u raelly dont... dont..." Casey collapsed to the floor, laughing so hard she was crying as she pounded her fists on the floor. Olivia fell down next to her, clutching her stomach, her laughter sounding rather like a hyena. "Oh my god!" Casey gasped, finally talking like a human being again. "God, this is perfect!"

"I know!"

Elliot sighed, passing a hand over his eyes. "Guys, I think we've just been duped."

"You're damn right you have!" Olivia gasped, struggling to her knees and pointing at them all. "'Sweet&Sensitive', 'FBI, Agent Munch,' 'Sexycop,' 'Da boss DC,' 'Ice Queen Cabot,' 'Your smexy M.E.,' and 'Adorable Asian psychologist'! You all have sick, sick minds!"

"You mean... this was all-"

"-an evil scheme to get you all to stop posting that shit on ? Yes!" Olivia finished triumphantly, giving Casey a celebratory high five. "When Casey here found your site online, the horrors she read were enough to get her possessed by the Fanfiction Gods. Again."

"But the- the bruises," Munch stammered in shock, still struggling to process what was going on.

"Makeup!" Casey exclaimed, splashing a bit of water on her face and grinning as her 'black eye' started to smear and drip.

"But you were... you were actually crying-" It was Elliot's turn to be amazed now, and he pointed at Olivia and stared between her and Casey, completely flabbergasted.

"Plain old water!" Olivia pulled a water bottle out of her pocket, then poured it all over Elliot's head. "THAT'S for always getting me pregnant and having the nerve to call me 'Livvy-bear!"

Casey stalked up to Munch, pulled out a bottle of nail polish, then let it all out onto Munch's head. "And THAT'S for actually having the nerve to have sex with me! You're older then my father, Munch! That's just disgusting!"

"Do you have punishments in store for each of us, or just them?" Cragen asked, crossing his arms in disapproval.

"Why yes, actually, we do. I was planning on smacking Alex with my briefcase for always stealing my 'Livvy' away from me when you return from that stupid witness protection thing-"

"And I was planning on bitch-slapping Cragen for allowing everybody to misspell his name and not giving a shit when Elliot and I had sex on his desk every other second-"

"And I-"

"Enough!" Cragen shouted, throwing up his hands in surrender. "All right, we get it! If we let you join, then will you not punish us anymore?"

"Join?" Casey screamed in terror. "JOIN? Why would I want to join that horrific website from hell? I couldn't stand just READING all that-"

"Hey Case, Case, listen-" Olivia exclaimed, grabbing her hand excitably. "Can you imagine the possibilities? We could write Benovak stories all day long, AND we could play grammar-nazi! We could fix all those ridiculous attempts Fin wrote at Benovak and make them hot! Come on, honey, just think about it- you're in court, it's been a long, boring day, so you pull out your legal pad and start writing a Benovak story! Wouldn't it be great, baby?"

She hesitated, considering this, then nodded. "All right. I'll do it. But I'll be watching all of you! And if you EVER assassinate my name and or character again, I will hunt you down!"

SVUSVUSVU

Olivia walked over to her desk and was about to sit down when she was assaulted by Elliot as he ran up to her and gasped, "Olivia, I will pay you any amount of money, really, I can go to an ATM right now, just please come over to my house- bring Casey too- because if you're anything like that fanfiction said I have to have sex with you and-"

"Woah, woah, woah, slow down a sec- what are you talking about?"

"The fanfiction that went up last night!" When Olivia still had no idea what he was talking about, he prompted, "You know... 'One smexy detective?' By 'Benovak shipper'?"

"Let me see that!" she demanded, hurrying over to his computer and reading the fanfiction.

After about ten seconds, she jumped up and ran out of the precinct, shouting, "CAAAASEEEEEY! I TOOOOOLD YOU, DON'T TELL ANYBODY ABOUT THE HANDCUFFS!"


	2. Mystery Science Theater

Random part 2 time! It gets kinda mstish, which I know isn't allowed on here, but it's not TECHNICALLY an mst, so... there. meh. And I DID write the bad fic part, to my intense embarrassment. I spent hours researching horrific plots, insane spelling errors, and grammar mistakes that would make my English teacher's head implode to write it. Actually, some of the typos were accidents, but, unlike bad fanfiction writers, I noticed them right away. I just didn't exert my pinky to hit the backspace button because it was too hard for my poor hand. I am very ashamed that I actually wrote it, so, naturally, I had to post it as soon as possible. Actually, I was bored and decided to write another chapter.

Note: bold parts are real writing, normal parts are horrifying fanfiction writing.

**Olivia walked into Casey's office carrying coffee and Chinese takeout to find the ADA reading something on her laptop and chewing on the end of her pen. "Hey, babe," she said as sat down on the edge of her desk. "What are you working on now? Arrest warrants for the guy who took your parking space?"**

**Casey rolled her eyes and made a note on a piece of paper before looking up at her with a groan and rubbing her temples. "I'm reviewing bad fanfiction."**

**The detective frowned uncertainly, then got behind Casey to read the screen for herself. "What the- Casey! This is horrible! What the hell are you reading?"**

**"Um..." Casey scrolled up to the title, then groaned again. "Teh truth behin Livvy's fathre." Olivia sat there for at least five seconds, trying to make sense of it, then the ADA continued with, "In the Casey Translated version, I think it means 'The truth behind Olivia's father."**

**"Oh god. Not another Cragen's my father one," Olivia moaned, holding her head in her hands. **

**"Yes, Olivia, I think so. Want to join me in correcting it's horrificness?"**

**"Is that even a word?" Olivia asked, twirling a strand of Casey's hair between two fingers."**

**The ADA shrugged with a chuckle before turning back to the computer. "It is now."**

**Olivia just rolled her eyes. "You're asking me if I want to spend three hours poisoning my brain with inept sex scenes, ridiculous misspellings, horrific grammar mistakes, and lame attempts at a plot?" Casey hesitated, then nodded. "Okay, sure. Why not?"**

**"Yay! That's my Livvy-bear!"**

**Olivia pulled back, disgusted. "Um... Casey?"**

**"Oh, god, I'm sorry- that bad fanfiction is getting to me. I meant to say, 'Yes! I can share my suffering with other people now!"**

**With a chuckle, Olivia sat down next to her and, together, they dived into the horrific realm of bad fanfiction. Casey started reading out loud.**

"One day liv wakled nto teh percint nd runned nto Crevan... **Okay, Olivia, I'm so sorry. I can't even stand to read this. It's horrible. It's so horrible I can feel my brain cells dying. I'm going to hide under my desk now. I would advise you to run away as fast you can so the bad fanfiction doesn't catch you." Casey crawled under her desk, curling up into a tiny ball and hiding her face in her knees.**

**"Oh, no, Casey, you're not getting out of this. You dragged me in here and subjected me to that evil mess. Now I will read it out loud to you and you can play grammar nazi. Don't worry, I'll at least make it comprehensible. Okay, I'll try to make it comprehensible, but it's bad fanfiction, so, no promises."**

**"I hate you, Liv," the ADA moaned, still without looking up. **

**Olivia chuckled, rolling her eyes. "I love you too, Casey. So, anyways..."**

*WARNING! WARNING! BAD FIC AHEAD! BAD FIC AHEAD!*

One day liv walked into the precinct and ran into a caveman- **oh, sorry, Casey. Apparently, Crevan is a new mispelling of Cragen. So-** One day liv walked into the precinct and ran into Cragen... -**and now all attempts at spelling and grammar go out the window, as with my attempts to make it remotely comprehensible**- 'oh hi Crevan.' 'oh hi livia.'Crevan had a secrets but he couldnt tel liv it would brake er couldnt bake his dau- oops secret!'

**Casey shouted, "Okay, that's enough torture for one day! Get the hell away from me, Olivia!"**

**"Aww, you know you love me... would a rewrite make you feel better?" **

**The ADA hesitated uncertainly, then crawled out from under her desk and pulled the laptop towards her. "Yes. Yes it would:**

**One day, Olivia walked into the precinct and ran into Cragen. "Oh, hello, Cragen."**

**"Hey, Olivia." Cragen had a secret, something about Olivia. But he couldn't tell her- it would cause her heart to transform into a brake. He couldn't bake his secret, either."**

**Olivia shrugged uncertainly. "Still sucks."**

**"What do you expect from me, miracles? Keep reading, woman."**

With a sigh, Olivia took the laptop back and started reading. "then elliott wlaked by he siad 'hiya liv, hiya crevan. liv i wanna ask u sometihng.'el had a secret too, it was taht he luved livia, his parter wtih al his haert and wanted to marry her and have twins and or triplets wiht couldnt live 1mroe second wiouthout making livia his he told her.'liv i have something to tell u.''what ell''i wanna be ur boyfried."

**Olivia held her hand over her mouth and shoved the laptop away to Casey. "I can't read anymore. Casey, you have to continue or my head will explode- literally."**

**"Oh, all right." Casey took her computer back, then smiled. "But first- rewrite!"**

**She took a deep breath, then said, "Then Elliott, Elliot's twin brother, waddled by and said, "Hiya, Liv. Hiya, Crevan." He said 'hiya' instead of 'hello' because he was in sixth grade. Elliott loved his parent, Livia. He wanted to marry her and have 2.5 children with her. Because he was so pathetic, he couldn't live one more second without buying Livia from Crevan the Caveman, so he decided to tell her. However, because he was so stupid, he started talking to the wrong person and spontaneously turned into Elliot, the man who can spell. "Liv, I have to tell you something."**

**"Fuck off, you ridiculous bastard, for the last time, I don't want to be your boyfriend."**

**But, despite the fact, it would get them both fired- especially for saying this in front of his boss- and would allow Olivia to kill him and get off on a justifiable homicide, he said, "I want to be your boy who fries chicken."**

**Casey smiled proudly, leaning back and crossing her arms. "Yes, I am very impressed with myself. Now, back to the bad fanfiction..."**

liv was soo happy cuase she had always wanhted to date elliott but befor he coudl say yes creavn shouted 'no ell how dare u ask my daughter out wiouth my permisoin!' 'wut im ur duaghter' liv asked 'ooh yes liv srry i forget to tel u' liv riased her hand 2 puncvh him and screamed 'u rapped my mother!' but crevn shoutde no i didnt seh through me out wehn she found otu she was pregnont' 'oh sorry crevan didnt know' 'k but Wut abt me' ellio aseked. 'oh yeah u'crevan said 'yeah u can date her jst didnt have sex with her wihout by permissoin' 'dAddy' liv shoutde in embarament jst then casye-

**"No. They did not just misspell my name. They did not just misspell my name. They did not just misspell my name."**

**Meanwhile, Olivia's mouth was opening and closing like a goldfish in a vacuum. "Oh... oh my god... Casey! Rewrite, NOW!"**

**Casey cracked her knuckles furiously and snapped, "Oh, I'll rewrite it, all right. Bad fanfction, prepare to be hit by a truckload of grammar, spell-check programs, good plot ideas, and Casey awesomeness:**

**Olivia punched Elliot in the stomach, but before she could shout, "Yes! I finally punched that idiot!" A cavern wondered up and announced he was her father. Olivia, who knew this was biologically, anatomically, technically, psychologically, physiologically, and hypothetically impossible, just tried to walk away, but stupid Elliot believed the cavern.**

**The cavern proceeded to explain, "Olivia, your mother was so stupid she dated a huge cave like myself, so I wrapped her in House MD style wrapping paper , but when she found out she was pregnant, she rolled away. Now, Elliot, you can date my daughter, but only if you tell me before you have sex with her because I'm sure my 38-year-old daughter is still a virgin and she is far too young to have sex." Olivia punched the talking cavern when Casey walked up, holding a shotgun.**

**She shot at the cavern, then screamed, "If you ever spell my name C-A-S-Y-E again, I will kill your so-called daughter and keep her chocolate stashes for myself and won't share any with you!"**

**Olivia smiled happily, then sighed. "Unfortunately, Casey, there's still some more to read."**

**"Ugh. FINE, Olivia, you win! I'll read it. JESUS! Ahem:**

-jst then casye- **"Casey!"**- wlaked up and shutoed 'liv im pregnant! i was rapped nd now im pregnant wth my rappest baby nd u told me u luved me nd wanted to riase a family wth me nd now u can!' ovre joied liv huged casie- **"CASEY!"** and siad 'ooh yay!'but she has forgetten entily bout elliot and cranv.

**"What. The. FUCK?" Casey screamed, then started banging her head on the desk repeatably. "Oh my god! Oh my god! Oh my god I can FEEL my brain cells dying!"**

**Olivia hid her face in her hands, shaking her head miserably. "Oh, god, Casey... this is the worst thing I have EVER read. You have to fix it. You have to fix it NOW before the universe implodes!"**

**"I'm not sure this can be fixed, Liv," she moaned. "It just can't."**

**"No, Casey! Don't say that! Don't give up! I know your grammar nazi side is just crying at those mistakes right now! That is a disgrace to our relationship! You have to rewrite it!"**

**Casey sighed, then nodded. "Okay, fine. But, Liv, if I die, promise me you won't dump me on the city. Now:**

**Just then Casey walked up and bitch-slapped Elliot, then shouted, "Stop asking out my girlfriend! I'm pregnant with a rap artist's baby and Olivia loves ME and wants to raise a family with ME, not you! Come on, Olivia, lets go." So the two walked away and forgot entirely about Elliot and the crab. Unfortunately..."**

'but, livvy!u siad u Luved my!wut bout me!''yeah' crevan adedd 'cassey- **"CASEY GODAMNIT!"**- isnt goodd nough for my duahgter i wont allow thsi i just wont!' 'no daddy u cannot tel me who to date but i chose elliott sorry caseey- **"SON OF A-"- **then casiey- **"YOU LITTLE MOTHER A-"**-stared sobing nd olive datted elliot 5 yeras late tehy hads twins with creavns cfonsent and it was happilly eva after.

so wut u guys think laeve a reveiw nd their mihgt be mroe.

**Casey and Olivia sat in shock for a good five minutes before Casey silently took her laptop and wrote a rewrite. In about ten seconds, she handed it to Olivia, a proud smile on her face. Olivia hesitated, then read the rewrite:**

**One day, Olivia walked into the precinct and had some coffee. Then she accidentally killed Elliot and had sex with Casey as a way of celebrating. The End. **

**Olivia laughed as she looked back up at Casey. "Feel better?"**

**"NO." **

**She sighed, then shut the laptop and walked over to sit on her lap. "Come on, Casey... you know I hate to see you all sad like this."**

**"I can't help it! Everybody always writes Elliot and Olivia fanfiction and I never get to have sex with anybody! Whenever I'm in a fanfiction, my character's poorly written and I can't spell and I talk like a five year old! Plus I'm always a doormat!"**

**"But you're on the Grammar Squad as head grammar nazi. You get to write good rewrites that always make me laugh." Casey pouted and shook her head stubbornly. **

**"Aww, come on... would a ride on the Olivia train make you feel better?"**

**The ADA's head snapped up at that, and she smiled brightly with a wink. "You bet it would." **

**"Mmm... office sex. Kinky. I like it."**


	3. SVU reads about ninjas!

The author's note I throw in at the end will explain some things. But since my plot bunnies are getting excited again (REPARATIONS IS IN ONE DAY, 4 HOURS, AND 59 MINUTES AHHHHH!) I had to write this part 3. It's not a masterpiece, so don't expect one.

"No, Casey!" Olivia shouted for the thousandth time that day, glaring at her lover and shaking her head.

"Aww! Please, Olivia!" Casey pouted, practically begging Olivia to help her with her newest endeavor.

"No!"

"Olivia! Why not?" Casey pleaded, tugging on Olivia's hand as the detective tried hard not to give in to her annoying- albeit adorable- girlfriend.

"Because, I don't like reading bad fanfiction- and I certainly don't know why you like it so much! But I'm not going to get myself sucked into it!"

"Olivia… come on, please? You know I love you," Casey said as she wrapped her arms around Olivia's waist and started kissing her lightly. "Please? Please, Liv?"

Finally, Olivia gave in and pulled out of Casey's grip. "Fine, Case, I'll do it. But only if you promise to do what I want later."

Casey licked her lips in anticipation and asked, "Does what you want include handcuffs?"

"Yes, yes it does." Olivia chuckled at the gleam in her girlfriend's eye as Casey pulled her down to the seat next to her.

"Ooh, yay! Now you almost made me forget what I was going to make you do right now- hey, I said ALMOST, Detective!" Casey laughed as Olivia sighed in disappointment, shaking her head. "Oh, cheer up, Liv! It's not bad fanfiction! It's just bad fiction."

Olivia hesitated, then asked slowly, "Okay… what's different about it?"

Casey shrugged as she scrolled back up the page. "Well, it's basically exactly the same as bad fanfiction, except instead of ruining our world, the evil authors make up worlds to ruin. I got tired of seeing my name misspelled and my character bashed, so I came over to this website to read bad fiction. Right now, I'm working my way through a particularly horrifying one wrote by three 12 year old girls- Ranowa Hikura, Mizuno-kun, and Red."

Olivia groaned, then cracked her knuckles and leaned forward, preparing to surround herself by bad grammar, stupid spelling errors, inept sex scenes, and terrifyingly bad plots. "Okay. What've you got for me so far?"

Casey shuddered as she pointed at the screen. "Well, this is Ranowa's idea of a romantic scene:

Etowa yelled, "Shut up, you two! It's not like that!" The other 2 laughed, but Kage glanced down uncomfortably. Pain flashed in his eyes for a moment before he covered it up.

"I… I have to go," he mumbled, before he rushed out of the training field. Etowa started after him, but Yumi began her annoying song again. Etowa glowered at her before she followed Kage.

She found him standing alone, leaning against an old oak tree. "Kage?"

He didn't look up. "What do you want, Etowa?" There was hostility in his voice, but it was greatly over-shadowed by the hurt.

"Sorry, Kage, I just thought…" Her words opened up the floodgate.

"Etowa, come on," he said, finally looking up. "Most of the girls here have a boyfriend or at least like someone. But you… and we've been friends for so long… Couldn't we at least try at it?" His voice pleading by the end of his speech. His eyes gazed at her hopefully.

"Oh, Kage," she mumbled. Etowa wrapped her arms around him. "It'll be okay, we can do something!" She promised rashly. "Of course we can try."

Casey looked up at Olivia expectantly, who shrugged. "Well, it could have been better- missing words, a few grammar mistakes, not a brilliant storyline… but for a twelve year old? Not bad. How did WE get stuck with all the screaming fangirls who can't write to save their lives?"

"I don't know… but there's more. This is Mizuno-kun's idea of a romantic scene:

"Why are YOU here?" asked Yumi.

"I wanted to talk to you about…" Haru said, faltering

Yumi looked at Haru quizically, then followed him to the big maple tree at the center of the big field.

"Look… we really shouldn't be talking, even if we were friends… you're from one clan, I'm from the Mist clan."

"Were friends? Aren't we still?" said Haru. Yumi blushed at his intense stare.

"I… guess so." said Yumi, nervous. Haru stuck his hands in his pockets, embarrassed, and, looking down, he continued.

"But… what if I want to be more than friends?" Haru said, looking up. Yumi gasped in shock at his statement. "I don't know…" Yumi hesistated. "What if Sensei… or Ki Sensei…"

"It doesn't have to be huge… and I really do like you." Haru stated, inching closer to Yumi. She mumbled something incoherently.

"Okay… Bu-" Yumi was cut off as Haru kissed her. As she contemplated this she was worried… what had begun here?"

"Well…" Olivia started. "The last line was a bit confusing, and, once again, some spelling and grammar mistakes… but overall? Besides the fact that it was cheesy… not horrible. There might me potential in these girls. Notice I said MIGHT."

Casey chuckled, shaking her head. "Oh, you're going to regret saying that, Olivia. I'm going to skip to the ending. By this point, nothing makes sense- all you have to know is Ryu, Ryuu, and Haru are all men. Well, not really men, as in manly- as in member of the male sex. And even that I'm not sure of… okay, I'm going to stop talking and just let you read."

Ryuu was sitting on the bed, holding a syringe in his hand, his face horrified. His stomach was REALLY big and he cradled it one hand.

"Ryuu? What the HECK? What happened to you?"

Ryu flamed bright red, and looked down in embarrassed. "H- Haru… this is a pre- pregnancy test." He held up the syringe. "I- it was p-positive." Haru didn't reply. He just stared at him, and his huge stomach.

"I- I'm… pregnant," he mumbled. Haru still didn't move.

"Its due in… 5- 5 weeks. You're the father." Haru couldn't move, even though a silent scream sounded in his head.

"It's a girl." Ryu's expression became an adoring smile and he looked. "We're going to name her Shelly."

Haru screamed.

"Why Shelly?" Haru asked. "Why not Shina or something?"

"I like Shelly dang it!" Ryu yelled.

"Baka!" (2011 note: means fool)

"Bakeru!" (2011 note: means dumbass)

~Makeout sex scene~

Haru lay over Ryu and asked,

"Was that a bad idea?"

Then suddenly Yumi walked into the room. She stared in shock at the scene in front of her. "What the-!"

"It's not what it looks like!" Ryu + Haru said.

Yumi stared at the scene in front of her. Then she blacked out.~

Haru looked at an unconscious Yumi. He debated whether or not he shoud alert some+one. The debate ended when he felt pressure 'down low'.

"Let's 'eat'. I'm really hungry for something heavy…" cooed Ryu. The two tumbled to he ground, ripping off each others clothes.

Yumi opened her eyes. "I so need a video of this!" she said, pulling out her iPhone.

~Sex scene~

"Great now we have to clean the sheets again," said Ryu.

Suddenly, Etowa + Kimi walked into the room.

"…OH…MY…GOD!" Etowa screamed. Kimi laughed and said, "Aww! How cute!" Yumi ran straight over to them and showed them the video. Whem it done, Etowa stumbled back and clutched her head in her hands. Yumi clawed at her skin and closed her eyes in pain.

"I… I think I'm insane," she said.

Kimi burst out laughing. "Oh my gosh! That was hytanious!" Ryu and Haru flushed.

"Hey fags, what's goin' on?" It was Haiyane at the window with Kage and Kaji in two. He looked at everyone then at the laughing Kimi.

"They saw you, huh?"

Ryu nodded vaguely.

Yumi deleted the video from her phone, laughing with Kimi. Someone put their hands "Don't look, Yumi!" said Ryuu. He was happy to be back with Yumi. But they had business to do.

"Etowa! Gather up Haru, Rikka, Kaji, and Haiyane. No mercy shall be 'spared'." Yumi was furious at Rikka for killing Yuri. Etowa and Kage gathered them up and tied them all together.

"Everybody who was a sword, unleash them! We will kill them first, then burn them!" yelled Yumi, eager to kill. Everybody followed in suite, leaving a pregnant Ryu horror stricken restrained by the Hokage.

Soon, they all stood back, listening to the crackling of the flames victoriously. Suddenly, Etowa began to scream. "Kimi! Kimi killed Kage! Now I'll kill her!" she yelled, insane. (Kage is alive)

Etowa jumped at Kimi, and started stabbing her in the chest and head. Kimi was taken by surprise, so she collapsed, blood pouring out of her. Etowa stabbed her in the eyes and beheaded her, laughing manically. "Kristen, Ayako, Ame, Kimi… DEAD!"

Meanwhile, Yumi was showing Sushusina a video of a dancing gummy bear. Sushusina started laughing and couldn't stop. She couldn't breathe! Her face turned blue and she choked and died.

"NO-O-O-O!" screamed Miasamsoy. He ran over and shook Yumi. "Why, why, why?"

Yumi laughed and killed him. Then she saw Kimi and shook Etowa. "Why, why, why?"

Meanwhile, Ryu stumbled onto the scene. He collapsed and screamed, "I-I think… I THINK I'M GOING INTO LABOR!" Kage, the Hokage, Rikka (no she's already dead- Mizuno-kun), and Haru rushed over to help him.

~Many minutes later~

"Come on, Ryu! PUSH!" Out came a pretty little girl covered in blood.

Ryu gasped, "Shelly! So… beautiful."

Haru cradled Shelly, and whispered, "Ryu-senpai… would you marry me?"

Ryu smiled. "Yes," he whispered back. Then he started crying.

Haru started crying too. "Goodbye, Ryu-senpai, mother (no, father- Red) of my child, my one and only love." Then Ryu died.

Haru took Shelly and disappeared into the woods, NEVER to be seen again. (P.S. they all went to heaven)

Yumi cried and laughed at the strange scene. So many, many deaths. She would kill Etowa for killing Kimi.

Etowa was now laughing manically, chocking Kage to death. Both were insane. Everybody was, in fact. Cloud jumped off the cliff. But before he did, he yelled, "Oh Kimi! I'm so sorry I never told you. I'm transsexual!" he said, believing Kimi was still alive. The Hokage dived after him, saying, "My dream was to be a professional stripper!" Soon, only 3 people were left; Ryuu, Yumi, and Etowa. Etowa and Yumi began to fight over Ryuu's life. Etowa wanted him to die, Yumi wanted him to live. Yumi won. She stabbed Etowa in the stomach, laughing grimly. Etowa died like that, blood flowing, becoming more insane as every drop of blood dripped.

Ryuu looked aghast at the blood and bodies lying in the ravine. He couldn't take it any more. With one swift swipe, he cut off his head, beheading himself.

"NO-O-O!" An insane Yumi cried. She hugged Ryuu's body close to her.

Then, a deep rumble came from beneath under her. Suddenly, she became sane again. She walked towards the pit, dark, misty, and fire-y all at once. She took one step too close…

And she fell, breaking her skull. And then she fell into the pit. (In the end, they all go to heaven.)

Suddenly, a burst of background music came from the pit. Yumi's head rose. All the dead began to dance to the awesome theme song of Code Geass.

But this is not the end of the story…

Haru reippu (2011 note: means raped) Shelly. She became insane because of this. Shelly Kathy Lee, a Male Homosezual Seahorse, grew up to become a high school science teacher…

~To NEVER be Continued~

NEVER EVER GOING TO BE FINISHED…

Maybe

Olivia blinked, staring at the screen in shock. "Um… what the hell did I just read?"

Casey just shook her head. "Don't worry about it, Olivia. It's bad fanfiction. Don't try to understand it. Just accept it."

Olivia stared at her girlfriend, confused by her out-of-character behavior, then sighed. It had to be the bad fanfiction getting to her. "Come on, Casey. I did you wanted. Now you have a date with me, my bed, and handcuffs."

"Ooh! I can't wait!"

Well, there you have it. I wrote that thing with Mizuno-kun and Red- Red doesn't have an account on here. We wrote as seventh graders- 12 years old. The only notes I added to the story were Japanese-to-English Translations- everything else, even the grammar and spelling mistakes- were there originally. I think Ryu and Ryuu were the same person, then split into two people- sorry, not really sure, I wrote it years ago. And out tradition was to kill off all the characters at the end of every story we wrote, but Kimi (Red's character) always killed everybody before committing suicide. So we got to kill her in this one. And yes, that last paragraph was about out science teacher that year, Ms. Lee. Although we always called her Shelly after we wrote this…

POINT IS, I CAN'T WAIT FOR REPARATIONS! I CAN'T WAIT I CAN'T WAIT I CAN'T AHHHHHHHHH!


	4. El and Livvie go undercover

I am sick and tired of seeing this same storyline, written by pathetic author after pathetic author after pathetic author. Now, I'm not saying everybody who writes these stories is pathetic or that all stories with this storyline are bad, they're not... but a vast majority of them seem to be. **Note that I'm sure will not discourage any flamers: this isn't an anti-EO story. It's another one of my anti-sucky fanfiction stories. **

Faerie's Arie and Death Waltz is a reference to a musical joke. Literally, that's what it is. If you image search that… yeah, that's sheet music. It is literally impossible to play- certainly not in ten minutes! Anyone who says differently is lying. ANYWHO...

"Elliot, Olivia! My office!"

Olivia jumped at Cragen's voice, then jumped to her feet, startled out of her fantasy where she'd been staring at her ridiculously sexy partner stare murderously at anybody he saw who he deemed to be a suspect. _My god, he's sexy._

Elliot was jolted out of a fantasy of his own, where he'd been staring at the absolutely gorgeous woman sitting across from him. She was so sexy he just wanted to kiss her right then and there, and screw the consequences with Kathy and the kids. Oh, his kids would understand, and Kathy was a bitch anyway.

"So, what's up, Don?" Olivia asked as she sauntered into his office, Elliot on her heels. "Are we getting another award for just being so awesome that we arrest everybody and Fin and Munch never do anything?"

"Actually, we do all the work, you two just usually take all the glory-" Elliot slammed the office door on Munch's exclamation and turned to look back at Cragen.

"Uh, no. And Olivia, I'm your Captain, it's either sir or Cragen, not Don," Cragen said flatly.

"So, anyway, if it's not an award, why do you need us, Don?" Olivia asked brightly.

Cragen groaned, then just decided to get on with it. "Fine. Well, for some reason, the police department in California has decided they need you two to fly out and go undercover as a married couple, even though they have their own cops and have no reason to call upon cops from New York to do this and, in fact, they never would. And the rules and regulations against partners-"

"Oh, great! When do we leave, Donnie?" Elliot asked with that dumb smile on his face he always had whenever he was fantasizing about Olivia, which, to Cragen, seemed like every god damn second.

"It's not Donnie! Don I could handle if we weren't on the job, but Donnie? No! And you leave tomorrow, even though this would actually require a long chain of paperwork that could take months to process-"

"This is wonderful!" Olivia squealed. "Ooh, do we have kids?"

"Aren't you two going to even ask what the assignment is and why-"

"Yes, kids! That would be nice. Do we have kids, Donnie?"

Elliot and Olivia both have identical looks of blissful, happy stupidity plastered on their faces, reminding Cragen why he would be happy to get both of them the hell out of his squad room. Forcing back his angry retort, he forced himself to smile and said, "Yes, you have kids. Twins. Amanda and Mark, both eleven years old. The people you're investigating are a couple who-"

"Oh, Elliot!" Olivia turned to face her partner, practically glowing. "Can you imagine? You, me,

and two kids? This is going to be greatest assignment ever!"

"I know! Oh, just-"

"Um, Elliot?" The two partners turned around to see Elliot's wife, Kathy, standing in the doorway to Cragen's office. "El, I just stopped by to tell you that I have an extra shift at the hospital in half an hour and I-"

"See you later, Kathy," Elliot said shortly as he pushed by her, heading back to his desk, Olivia right behind him. "Olivia and I are going undercover as married couple with twins in California, and we could be gone for months, so good bye!"

"Elliot," she said uncertainly, "I don't really feel comfortable with that, since I'm reasonably sure you're sleeping with Olivia already- and what about the kids? They won't-"

"Oh my god, what a bitch!" Olivia gasped. "Elliot is just doing his job and she starts saying he's cheating! And now she's saying he can't do his job because he has to stay home for her and not the kids! What a selfish bitch!"

"That's actually not what I said-"

"Come on, Olivia," Elliot said, pulling his partner along behind him. "Let's go. Kathy, I want a divorce, and I'm taking the kids!" he shouted back at her. Kathy just stared after them in confusion as the pair left the precinct.

SVUSVUSVU

"Amber and Steven Carson!" Olivia sang under her breath as she and Elliot walked up to their new house in California, where the moving crew was currently bringing in their things. "I'm Mrs. Amber Carson! What a lovely undercover name! And I love yours too."

Suddenly, she gave an exaggerated gasp and pointed very obviously across the street. "Look, Elliot! It's some nice neighbors! They couldn't possibly be the people we're here to investigate!"

The two people approached them, dressed like two Grim Reapers and were clearly the bad guys in this equation. The man approached them and said in a raspy voice, "Hello, I'm the Devil, but people call me Bill. This is my wife, Sadistic Female Bitch."

"Yeah, but all my friends call me Sarah," the woman said in a voice that sounded almost exactly like her husbands.

"Sarah and Bill, huh? It's good you go by those names, Devil and Sadistic Female Bitch are horrible sounding! They make you sound like serial rapists or killers or something!" Olivia said obliviously with another huge smile.

Sarah and Bill looked at each other, then nodded. "Right," Bill said slowly in that quiet, death voice of his that only the Grim Reaper could possibly possess. "Well, we just came to welcome you to the neighborhood. You have kids, right?"

"Oh, yeah! They're right over there. Amanda, Mark, over here!" The two gorgeous twins who looked absolutely nothing alike ran obediently over to Elliot and Olivia and smiled up innocently at the neighbors, who were very obviously part of a large kidnapping and sex trade ring. "Amanda's eleven and a senior in high school! She's got a full ride to Harvard next year! Isn't that great?" Olivia gushed while Amanda nodded proudly.

"Yeah, and Mark's a junior- he spends more time on his piano playing than school, that's why he's not graduating this year. He performed Faerie's Arie and Death Waltz after ten minutes of practice and won first prize in that international piano competition, isn't that right?"

"Well, yes, but I also won it ten consecutive years after that. I've won it every year I've been alive!"

"And he's not even Asian!" Olivia added on after her son. "Aren't they both amazing?"

Grim Reaper 1 and Grim Reaper 2 just looked at each other before Sarah said, "Are you sure their names aren't Mary Sue? They sure sound like it."

"Oh, nonsense! Those are girl's names, Mark here is a boy! Well, it looks the movers are finished up. Let's go inside, Steven!" Olivia said to Elliot and they headed towards their house.

"What idiots," Devil said under his breath. "What complete, utter idiots."

SVUSVUSVU

After they had put their little adorable genius children to bed, Elliot turned to Olivia and said, "Livviebear, I have something to tell you..." His eyes grew dark and stormy with passion as he said in a low voice, "I have loved you ever since I first saw you, Olivia. My wife is nothing to me anymore. I'm going to divorce her and get custody of my kids. I never loved her in the first place; it's you I've always loved. I. LOVE. YOU. Olivia. I love you. Oh baby, you're the only woman there is for me. Kathy's nothing. She forced me to stay with her. Did you know that I asked her if she was having sex with the new doctor down at the hospital and she actually got mad at me? See, I know you would never do that. I love you, Olivia. I love you."

"Oh, Elliot, it makes me so glad to hear you say that! I love you too!" Olivia cried. "And now we can have kids together and dance off into the lovely sunset and get married- in that order! I love you, Elliot!" she gasped before kissing him. The two ran to the bedroom and began to celebrate their new realization together in a very poorly written sex scene that this author won't expose you lovely people to.

**6 months later**

"Oh my god, Livvie, I'm so sorry I let this happen to you!" Elliot sobbed as he sat next Olivia on the hospital bed right after she got the rape kit. "I'm so sorry!"

"Oh, El," Olivia sobbed back, "It was those nice neighbors- Bill and Sarah! And then Kathy was there and she was behind everything! She raped me, Elliot! Waaaaaaaah! Hold me! Hold me!"

The rest of SVU watched from the doorway, practically bawling as well, except for Cragen. "All right, does anybody besides me wonder how we just magically appeared out here?" he asked.

"Oh, Donnie!" Olivia cried when she saw him. "Thank you so much for coming down! Because you all need to know that I'm pregnant! My rapist got me pregnant!" She burst into tears and allowed Elliot to hug her and she hid her face in his shirt.

"But you just said you were raped by Kathy- a woman, for god's sakes! And you can't pregnant that quickly; you need-"

"Oh my god, Donnie, this is horrible!" Fin gasped. "Livvie was rapped by Elliot's ex-wife and now she's pregnant- Bill must have rapped her too!"

"Fin! You are a sex crime detective; you know damn well that's it not rapped, it's-"

"Oh, don't worry, Olivia!" Elliot cried as he hugged Olivia tighter. "Babe I'll always protect you! That bitch I married will never touch you again and I'll help you raise that babies! I love you!"

"Excuse me, you two are partners! IAB regulations and protocols forbid-"

"Oh El, I love you!" Olivia gasped and cried harder into his shoulder.

Cragen started to interfere again, disgusted with the entire thing, before another slew of horribly written scenes hit him head-on and he was out for the count. Well, for the next three months.

**3 months later**

"Oh Daddy, we understand," Maureen promised him. "Kathy's a bitch. We don't love her; we love you and Livvie."

"Yeah, Livvie, can we call you Mom?" Kathleen added on.

"Of course!" Olivia exclaimed happily. "I'd love that."

"So, we all set up two up with the honeymoon suite at the fancy hotel so you can enjoy yourselves all night long. We love you both, Mom and Dad, and with Kathy in jail for raping you, Mom, all will be well!"

Cragen tried to burst in here to point out simply everything that was wrong with this scene, but once again, Elliot and Olivia overruled him like he wasn't even there. "Oh, how sweet! I love you guys!" Olivia exclaimed. "This is amazing!"

Once again, the happy yet blissfully stupid couple skips off down to the honeymoon suite and there is a poorly written love scene, very similar to the one skipped before. Let's move on to the precinct.

"Don!" Olivia exclaimed as she walked into his office, one hand resting on her very pregnant belly. "Guess what?"

"Livvie and I are getting married!" Elliot finished before Cragen even had the chance to groan at this new ridiculous development. "She's three months pregnant with her rapist's twins, but don't worry, I'm going to raise them as if they were my own! Now that Kathy's in jail she can't bother us ever again so now we're going to get married and raise babies together! Isn't this wonderful?"

Cragen had had about enough of this. "All right, Olivia, it is not possible for you to look this pregnant if the twins were conceived only three months ago! And do either of you know that if you two got married, you would both be fired? You are not allowed to-"

"Oh my god, Elliot! He gave us his blessing! Oh, Donnie, will you give me away at the wedding next month?" Olivia begged, walking over Cragen's furious declaration completely and pretending like he hadn't said anything.

"Will I WHAT?" he bellowed. "Benson! Get your head on straight or-"

"He said YES!" Elliot bawled. "He's going to walk you down the aisle! Oh Livviebear, isn't this wonderful? Now we're going to get married and have babies and Donnie's going to walk you down the aisle and-"

"EVERYBODY SHUT UP!"

Cragen turned in relief to look at the new arrival to the squad room- a very unhappy Casey Novak. She stormed forward over to where Elliot and Olivia were still eagerly discussing the upcoming wedding and snapped, "Am I the ONLY one who doesn't see how stupid this entire thing is?"

"Casey? What are you doing here?" Cragen asked in confusion. "I thought you were gone for good."

"Well, you would think that, because I wasn't in the first two episodes this fall- EVEN THOUGH I was in both the series and episode two's preview, and Alex Cabot was in neither! See, I would of made an earlier appearance than this, but then I saw this fic here coming. It's horrific and overused storyline knocked me out of reality- I've been trying to find my way out of this terrifying mess for two weeks now. But that's not my point. How am I the ONLY ONE here who thinks this whole story sucks?"

"No!" Cragen exclaimed. "No, I've been trying to say that this entire time! But every time I did, Stabler and Benson just kept on going off in their disgusting little fantasies, as always."

"Well, that's because they're sucked into the world of bad fanfiction, where you give Elliot and Olivia your blessing to date, have kids together, then get married- and, of course, you always walk Olivia down the aisle and give a touching though poorly written speech about how Olivia's like a daughter to you. This is after they confess their undying love to each other the very first night they go undercover, in a mission that has absolutely no back-story or rhyme or reason to it whatsoever. Then there's Kathy, but in this universe, she is always a psychotic killer/bitch, so Elliot's kids fall in love with Olivia and support her and their father having sex all the way."

"Ridiculous," Cragen said, shuddering at the thought. "This is terrible, Casey- wait, what happened to the Mary Sues? You know, Amanda and Mark?"

"Oh, them?" she said dismissively. "Well, they normally move in with Elliot and Olivia after the undercover mission is over- once again, lacking any back-story- but occasionally, the author just forgets about them entirely. That's what happened here. Either that or she was lazy. Anyway, they weren't full-fledged Mary Sues- see, they didn't have any back-story, so they can't have been abused by a step-parent. They also completely lacked an attempt to have a well-written personality and none of the detectives fell in love with them. Anyways, moving on- we all saw Elliot and Olivia meet the Grim Reaper neighbors out in California?"

"Yeah," Cragen agreed. "Isn't that something that always happens too? Their neighbors are always the child traffickers or whatever, and they are so obviously the bad guys, yet Elliot and Olivia are both oblivious."

"Yes. But oh damn, look at the time. It's really late," Casey finished, picking up her briefcase. "Cragen, you should probably get out of here. Fin and Munch should too, although we may have to drag them against their will- they are still caught up in the irresistible lure of bad fanfiction because of how funny it is to read. After we clear the building, Huang's going to come in here and see if there's anything left of the original Elliot and Olivia to salvage. If not, they, as well as this building, where so many bad fanfictions had taken place that it's tainted, are going to go up into flames. Come on, let's go." Casey strolled out of the precinct as quickly as she had come, and Cragen only took one look at Elliot and Olivia- who were still gushing over her pregnant stomach- before grabbing Munch and Fin by their collars and walking away with them. In his opinion, Elliot and Olivia were both acting so out of character in the first place that they should have already been killed off in a bizarre accident. But it's so late at night that he can't think of any better ending then that, so he just walks out of the precinct and leaves the Dynamic Duo to kill everybody with the mushy-ness of their ridiculous love.

It really is late. I have to go to sleep. See you guys later, and please review.


	5. El leaves and Livvie's sad

Well, this fanfiction seems to be popping up quite a lot lately, so… here's MY take on it. :D

Olivia stared at the shiny military medal Elliot had sent her- her only contact with him over the past six months. She missed him so much. She started to cry; in fact, she cried so much that her apartment began to flood, but she didn't care, because all she ever thought about was Elliot. She missed him but the truth was, she was in love with him. All she ever did nowadays was cry and cry and cry some more about how much she missed him. It was like she didn't exist anymore, because he had completed her and been her entire life. Without him, however, she was such a pathetic loser. She got so drunk every night thinking about him, but because she was special and her love for Elliot protected her, she never was hungover and never had any other ill health affects but an increased longing for Elliot. She loved him and needed to see him again. It didn't matter that he had abandoned her; he had just been hurting, but that was okay, because she loved him no matter who or what he killed and would continue to love him until the end of time.

Sobbing again, Olivia cried herself to sleep, all the while hoping to dream good dreams about the love of her life, Elliot Stabler.

SVUSVUSVU

Olivia crawled into the precinct, sobbing violently, which was now something everybody expected to see. She pulled herself onto to Elliot's old desk and continued to cry all over it, while Nick Amaro just sighed and walked over to the coffee pot, leaving Olivia to her moping.

Fin, because he just automatically understands everything, said, "Liv, baby girl, he's not coming back. It's been six months."

"H- h- how c- could h- h- he d- d- d- do th- this?" she wailed. "H-H-He n-never e-even s-s-s-s-s-said g-good b-bye!"

Nick walked back over to his desk and cleared his throat, asking, "Um, Liv, would you mind crying somewhere else? Just for today? Because you're getting some paperwork that I spent all night doing very wet and blurry and-" the rest of his words were covered up by another wail.

Cragen stuck his head out of his office and said, "Liv! You've got a rape victim to go talk to. Go with Amaro."

"But, Cappy!" she cried. "Amaro may be good but he's not Elliot and I can't work with anybody but Elliot!"

"I don't care. You're going because he's not coming back."

Still crying, Olivia tried to suck it up as she led Amaro out of the squad room, ignoring him completely. "But, Olivia!" Nick called. "Cragen never told us where to go, we can't just leave without-"

"Leave me alone!" she bawled, running away. "I miss Elliot!"

SVUSVUSVU

While they were talking to the victim, Nick still uncertain of how Olivia had known where to go to find the crime scene, Olivia just watched as her TEMPORARY partner interviewed the woman. He was nothing like Elliot. Everywhere she looked, she saw Elliot, but nobody was ever as good as him. She started crying again and ran away. Nick, who was used to his unstable partner's outbursts, didn't go after her. Olivia managed to run right across a very intimidating, impossibly tall, strong figure, dressed all in black. He started growling at her and attacked her. Olivia began crying for Elliot.

SVUSVUSVU

"So... Olivia was attacked... again?" Amaro asked slowly, glancing at Amanda, who was just as confused, before looking at the other detectives. "But this happens all the time. She claims she was attacked every other week. I don't understand why-"

"WHERE IS SHE?" Elliot bellowed as he rushed into the hospital waiting room. "WHERE'S MY WIVY-POO?"

"Elliot, how could you?" Fin exclaimed. "Livvy loves you and you just left her all alone! She's been so sad for forever now and you just left her all alone!"

"You don't know anything!" Elliot shouted before punching him. "Where's Livvie? Where's my little Livvie bear?"

"You're so mean to Liv!" Nick cried as he ran up, giving up on resisting the allure of bad fanfiction and just going with it. "She cries all the time now and you left her and I'm not telling you where she is! It's not like you couldn't go ask the nurse or anything; you have to beat it out of me!"

Elliot and Amaro started fighting and would of beaten each other to death if Munch hadn't intervened. "Wait! Elliot loves Livvie, he needs a chance to talk to her! Elliot, you need to go talk to her, because you love her."

Magically making any wounds or tears in his shirt from the recent fights disappear, Elliot ran off to Olivia's hospital room, though no one had told him where it was. When he burst through the door, however, Olivia started wailing and screamed, "Go away, Elliot! You left me all alone and I don't love you anymore! You knew I loved you but you just left! You're so mean and I hate you! Waaaaaaaaah!"

"You have every right to hate me but I love you, Olivia, and I know you love me! And I'm so sorry you were rapped- I can give you another shiny military medal if it will make you feel better! Because it was a semper fidelis medal which means 'always' faithful' but I'm really REALLY always faithful to you because I love you!"

"Oh Elliot, that's so sweet! I love you too! Mmwha!" She blew a kiss at him and exclaimed, "I was mad at you before but not anymore! I understand that you left because you were sad that you killed that kid but now it's all going to be okay because we love each other and we can have thousands of kids to make up for the one that you killed!"

Elliot got down on one knee and pulled out a fifty billion caret ring and asked, "Wivy-poo, will you marry me?"

"Oh Elly-bear, of course"! Olivia leaped out of bed and kissed her insanely sexy ex-partner with his eyes as blue as a million oceans, and Elliot kissed her and her chocolate orbs back.

"Now we can raise my rappist's triplets together! Quick, Elliot- lets move to a BIIIIIG house in the suburbs, even though you don't have a job and soon we're going to have three new people to feed and we're going to have to pay for a huge, expensive wedding! Oh, isn't it just PERFECT!"

"Yay!" Elliot squealed. "Ooh, do you think that Cragen could walk you down the aisle?"

"I don't know, lets ask him!"

SVUSVUSVU

"So, Daddy, will you walk me down the aisle? Pretty pretty please?" Olivia begged, resting her hands on her very pregnant stomach.

"Of course, Olivia! You've always been like a daughter to me! I'd LOVE to!" Cragen gushed, and Elliot and Olivia started crying in happiness.

Olivia jumped up and down happily before turning to look at Elliot and pulling him up towards the crib. "Come on, Elliot! Lets have sex in the crib like we used to do all the time before you quit!"

-After a very ineptly written sex scene and Olivia suddenly going into labor though she's only three months pregnant…-

"Ohmigod, Elliot, they're so beautiful!" Olivia squealed as she held their two daughters and Elliot held their son. "And I have the perfect names! This one is Zelda Gabrielle Jewel Stabler, this one is Gleamsalura Star Princess Stabler, and this one is Xavier Dragmire Ghirahim Stabler! Don't you love them!"

"Oh there so exotic!" Elliot gasped, then continued to coo over the babies. "Look, Livvie-bear, Xavier Dragmire Ghirahim Stabler has your chocolate orbs!"

"And Gleamsalura Star Princess Sabler has your huge oceany eyes! Oh, and Elliot, look at Zelda Gabrielle Jewel Stabler! Her eyes are purple!"

Tiny Zelda squealed, "Mommy!" All the doctors whirled around to stare at the newborn, unable to wrap their minds around the fact that she just said her first word and she had only just been born, bet Elliot and Olivia just gasped at how adorable it was and continued obsessing over it.

Then Gleamsalura started singing in the most gorgeous-est voice in the whole wide world, and Xavier started mimicking like he was playing guitar.

Just a week after they were born, little genius Zelda, famous-singer-material Gleamsalura, and Xavier the-next-Mozart, were all doing very well. However, despite the exciting and promising career possibilities waiting for them, they all wanted to police officers, just like their mom and dad. Olivia had forgotten all about being rapped, had enough money to live in luxury for the rest of her life without ever having to work again, and she and Elliot lived happily ever after… except…

"See, Alex?" Casey said pointedly, glaring at the mushy couple and their blissful stupidity. "This is what they get like when you leave them alone. This is PRECISELY why I told you to always babysit them. When they start getting pulled into the disgusting alternate reality of bad fanfiction, they turn into these strange creatures that have the most horrific love affairs that make everyone around them want to claw their eyes out."

"I'm… so sorry, Casey," Alex murmured, staring at Elliot and Olivia. "I had no idea this would happen. Is… is there any possible way to salvage this situation, or…"

"Well," Casey said, pulling her cell phone out and dialing a familiar number, "maybe. We do have a slim chance. George Huang's had to talk them out of their fanfiction haze before. But this time, even he may not be able to fix them. I mean, just look at what they named the triplets. Zelda, Gleamsalura, and Xavier? Mary Sues in the making."

Huang appeared out of literally nowhere, yet another staple of bad fanfiction. "You called me, Casey?" he asked, and she nodded guiltily and pointed over at Elliot and Olivia.

He only had to look at them for two seconds before he knew what Casey wanted. "NO," he exclaimed, turning to leave. "Not again, Casey. YOU need to watch them and make sure this doesn't happen. Don't come running to me and asking me to do all the hard work for you all. You know, just because I don't hit people like your crazy fanfiction version of my lover- um, I mean, Elliot," he coughed, and Casey and Alex stared at him, alarmed, "doesn't mean I'm a doormat. You can fix your own messes for once."

"George… come on," Alex said with a pout. "You know you love us. And Elliot. You wouldn't want to make us try and fix them ourselves, would you? Because Elliot's still-"

"Yeah! We'd even get you coffee for the next month and do whatever else you need, but we just can't stand seeing those two acting like complete, lovestruck morons any longer. Please?" Casey begged, trampling right over Alex's statement of Elliot and George possibly being lovers, because in bad fanfiction, any pairings but Elliot and Olivia- especially man/man pairings- were just ICKY.

Finally, George groaned and sighed, "All right! I'll help you. But you're really going to owe me for this."

It took three long, grueling hours for George to finally get Elliot and Olivia back to normal. The Mary Sues died, Elliot disappeared because he still hasn't really been mentioned after he decided to quit, Olivia turned back into the kick ass detective who didn't cry and fall apart because her friend left her, and everything returned to normal. But bad fanfiction continued to be written, and out of character Elliot and Olivias continued to be forced together in ineptly written sex scenes and thousands upon thousands of octuplets- but, writers who struggle against the overwhelming mass of fan fictions that simply masquerade as black holes for any hope for the human race and white holes for plot holes, grammatical errors, and spelling mistakes that make peoples' eyes bleed still exist. So, until next time… let the remains of bad fanfiction decay in the Master Sword forever! (Players of Skyward Sword will get that reference). 


	6. It's a hated character circus

Well, another one of my anti-bad fanfic stories. This one's staring the characters that are always written as psychotic killers, rapists, whatever; besides Richard White, of course, since he actually was a rapist- though his obsession with Olivia in most bad fanfics is more than a little tiresome. Also including combos of many bad nicknames for Olivia, like Livvie and Livvie-bear and and Wivy-poo. The characters most commonly hated for no good reason except 'they stand between Elliot and Olivia'… it's about time someone was nice to them.

Brian Cassidy dived into an alley, gasping for breath, utterly confused. Why was his old colleague Elliot Stabler chasing him? It didn't make any sense. Elliot had just yelled something about Olivia being 'rapped', whatever that meant, accused him of doing it, and chased after him.

Shaking his head and still breathing hard, Brian looked around the alley to see if there was anything here that had the potential to help him out. Instead, he saw a small group of what looked like homeless people, all watching nervously and gripping weapons defensively.

"You're not here to kill or arrest us, are you?" one of the them, a blonde woman, asked.

Brian shook his head and hesitantly walked closer. "No, why?"

They all sighed with relief. The only other woman, a dirty blonde a couple years older than the first oven to speak, said, "Good. Sorry, we all share the unfortunate fate of being the subjects of misguided hate and bad characterizations. You see, an old partner of mine, Elliot Stabler, suddenly became obsessed with his partner, Olivia-"

"Benson?" Brian exclaimed. "I'm having the same problem! Elliot's chasing me around, accusing me of being a 'rappist' and hurting his 'livvie bear'- is that supposed to be Olivia? She would kill anybody over six who dared to call her that."

"Well, I guess we can trust you," the only man in the trio said. He stood up and gestured for Brian to come join them. "I'm Dean Porter."

"Brian Cassidy." Brian walked over and gestured at the younger blonde. "And you… it's been a while, but aren't you Elliot's wife? Kathy?"

She nodded. "Yeah, that's me."

"And you were before my time, Brian," the other woman said, standing up as well. "I'm Dani Beck. When Olivia went to go play with eco-terrorists and tree-hugging hippies out in Oregon, I was the new detective assigned to SVU. Elliot was my partner. We kissed once, while Elliot and Kathy were separated. I left the squad for the same reason you did- the cases, especially the children… well, not many people can handle it."

"I was Olivia's case agent when she went out to Oregon; she was undercover with the feds. We had some chemistry, but nothing ever happened, and I never even met Elliot. So, why does Elliot think you're after Olivia?" Dean asked, crossing his arms and looking around worriedly for any signs of the enraged detective.

"Well, when I was still working here, Olivia and I slept together- once! She didn't want more, I did, but I let it go. I'm actually married now; have been for three years. I never interacted with Elliot much, but I never thought he was a jealous, homicidal maniac. Well, Kathy? What about you? Why's Elliot hunting you?"

Kathy sighed. "I'm the most pursued out of us all. Elliot thinks that I assault Olivia and our kids all the time. When I said that it was fine if he was friends with her and spent time with her, but that I DID want him to also spend time with his family, he started screaming that Olivia wasn't a whore and that he was in love with her- that I was a complete, jealous bitch and was so mean for divorcing him, but that he would take custody of the kids and never let me see them again. I mean, enlighten me here- if my husband was cheating on me for months with a woman who knew he was married, then I think I'm entitled to kick his ass! But no, all of a sudden, I'M the bad guy for standing in the way of 'true love'."

"But all he and Olivia ever do is have sex! Elliot occasionally makes her cry, does something cheesy to make her feel better, then more sex. News flash, boys and girls, that's not true love. That's what's called 'friends with benefits', or, less elegantly, a fuck buddy. And I like Olivia, honestly. She seems nice. I don't have anything against her and I'm not obsessed with Elliot," Dani pitched in. "What about you men? Dean? Brian? You obsessed with Olivia?"

They both shook their head vehemently, the entire group hiding when they heard Elliot rampaging around close to the alley.

"So, what are we going to do?" Kathy asked when Elliot had gone away again. "We can't stay in this alley forever. We've got to find a way to convince Elliot that none of us 'rapped' Olivia and that we're not obsessed with either one of them."

"Well, how about we talk to Olivia? That's what Elliot's so mad about. We can just go talk to her; see if it Elliot's taking some new allergy medication or something that made him lose his mind."

When everybody nodded in agreement, Brian gestured for them to follow and said, "Come on. Let's head down to the 1-6. Best place to start as any."

When four of the most wanted in New York City walked into the SVU squad room, they saw Cragen arguing with Olivia. "Olivia, you need to go home and rest. You were rapped and you need to recover some more."

"But, Daddy!" Olivia cried. "I have to keep working; catching over rappists makes me feel better! I don't want to go home! Being with Elliot at work makes me feel all warm inside because he loves me!"

Cragen sighed and gave up. "Fine, Livvie. You can stay at work but you're on desk duty."

"Daddy!" she whined, and one look at her chocolate orbs that were quickly filling with tears was enough to sway him.

"Oh, all right," he said fondly. "Just this once, little Livvie poo. You don't have to be on desk duty, but you can only go out in the field if Elliot is with you, because he wuvs you and he'll protect you." He ruffled Olivia's hair like she was a cute puppy before turning to walk back into his office.

"Thanks, Daddy- OMG!" Olivia screamed when she saw Dani, Kathy, Brian, and Dean stander in the entrance to the squad room. "HELP!" She started flailing her arms and running around the room screaming and crying. 'THEY ALL HATE ME FOR NO GOOD REASON AND WANT TO KILL AND RAPE ME! HELP ME, ELLIOT!"

Cragen, Munch, and Fin all pulled at their guns and started shouting at the four to put their hands in the air, Olivia hiding behind Cragen now and sobbing.

"Wait, stop!" Kathy cried, reaching out her hand.

"NOOOOO! SHE'S TRYING TO TAKE LIVVIE HOSTAGE!" Fin screamed, and everybody started shouting again.

Elliot appeared out of nowhere and started bawling. "No, don't hurt Livvie! I wuv her!" he sobbed, running over to stand protectively in front of Olivia and pointed his gun at the four as well.

Casey, Alex, and George, who were all standing in the corner and shaking their heads sadly, just sighed. Casey muttered, "This is nauseating." The others nodded in agreement and Elliot said his next line, Alex started vomiting into a trash can:

"I know that's the first time I've ever said that to you, Livvie-livvie, but I do love you! I wanna marry you and have thousands of kids and I'll wuv you forever and ever and ever! Will you marry me, Livvie-bear-livvie?"

Olivia started crying hysterically and nodded. Elliot puffed out his chest proudly and exclaimed, "I'll save you, Livvie!" He ran forward and tried to tackle Kathy to the floor, but Dean stopped him.

"Wait! We're all just trying to find out why you all hate us so much!" Dean shouted. "None of us are after Olivia. We don't know what 'being rapped' means and we don't know why you think we're all trying to hurt you, but-"

"You rapped Livvie!" Elliot screamed. "You rapped her! WAAAAAAAH!"

"All right, you know what?" Kathy exclaimed. "All of you are idiots! Dean, you're handsome. What do you say to us getting married, taking the kids I had with this lump of coal, and moving out of state? Dani can join us! Brian, you can bring your wife and we can live somewhere else in peace forever!"

"Sounds good to me," Dean said and they were just about to leave when another voice cried out.

"Wait! Stop! Take us with you!"

They turned around to see Casey, Alex, and George hurrying over to them. Casey exclaimed, "We hate them too! Their relationship is disgusting and they hate everybody who dares to say so! Dani, you pissed me off a little but that's no reason to hate you! Dean… well, I never met you, but you are cute and you don't seem like too much of a jack ass. Kathy, I honestly like you and don't see why so many people think you're a psychotic killer."

"And since Casey never knew you, Brian, I'll jump in here and say that you were very nice and Olivia would be better off than you than that wuss who desperately needs some anger management medication," Alex added on. "So we want to come with you. Get jobs out of state and never have to see those two again."

Brian shrugged. "Sounds good to me. Come on!"

_By the way, folks, I'm toying with an idea of writing a crack fic but making it appear like a serious fic; kind of like 'Iron Heart' and, in my opinion, Romeo and Juliet. EO, of course, but I'd like some ideas as to make it appear more realistic and less like a troll (I'll be writing it under a new account, of course). I really want to get some good reviews so I can spend my night laughing at them. So, any ideas to write a good 'bad fic'?_


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